Rakevic 1972

by William Bowden

It began with a minute flourish of underwear. I was sitting in my traditional spot just behind Bobby, peering over his left shoulder and I saw legs flex, and then open for a nanosecond as they completed a somewhat lascivious arc. That bitch. As if to add insult to injury she was wearing skin-tone underpants. Our eyes met across the room. I actually doubted that Bobby had even noticed this initial salvo, although one can never be sure with such men. Still I decided then and there that this cold war harlot would fail to thaw my Bobby, and I would see if I could destroy her beloved Spasky in return for her troubles or was that roubles?

She was a serious contender in some ways, I had to grudgingly give her that. And in those days the audience could actually sit right next to the players; so if you ended up in the front row with a short skirt or low top you could really do some serious damage. Of course I’d seen her many times, you got to know everyone on the circuit, but we’d never sat opposite each other before. Her name was Katherine with a K, and she was industrial strength eastern european sex bomb through and through. Her nickname was the Russian Dragon. Still I was at my peak as well in every sense, and when Spasky reached for his glass of water I took my cue. Whilst my legs were often up there with the best, I decided on a bit of old-style shirt loosening. Obviously I’d done my prep work, so consequently my top button was done up way too tight and I popped it just as Spasky's eyes happened to meet mine. It was a brilliant coup. I noticed with satisfaction the two faces beginning to colour across the room, and to complete the manoeuvre I let out a huge sigh, which resulted in looks of outrage from Katherine and amazingly a slight smile from Spasky.

Of course the great advantage (and the great danger) in these situations is that you can’t see your own player’s face, so it is always a game of bluff and courage in a sense. I knew Bobby was a tough candidate, and I had every faith in him really, but after seeing Spasky weaken so early on I wondered what wildcard the Russian Dragon would pull out next. Surely it was going to be an ‘All Stops to Redfern’ kind of a move and I didn’t have to wait long to find out ...

She began with the all time classic ‘The Orgasmic Cough’. They call it that because masquerading under the opening disguise of a load cough, is concealed another more dubious sound — a low sexual moan. It is a risky move since the rest of the audience and the officials are all within earshot, and I’ve seen it go horribly wrong in the hands of amateurs. Katherine however was a consumate professional, and to her credit I saw the back of Bobby’s head lift slightly. Judging by her next move, the coveted ‘Whiplash Tongue’ I’d say she'd got Bobby’s attention and I realized it was going to be a very long, hot night.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the winner of the match, Mr Bobby Fisher!”

I’d done it at last, Spasky had made a fatal error in the final stages of the game and so had Katherine. As the officials removed her during the half time intermission, I wondered what on earth possessed her to use the old ‘Fake Baby Breastfeeding’ routine. It had gone out in the fifties, and the Russian’s weren’t really that desperate were they? Perhaps she had been ordered by the Russian government to ‘stop at nothing’ to ensure American defeat. Well I had Spasky all to myself (apart from a couple of wannabes in the third row) and he was clay in the master potter’s hands. It was all over in another seventeen and a half minutes, what a collapse!

My only regret was that I couldn’t share my victory with Bobby. As his wife escorted him from the arena and through the crowd, I wondered what it would be like to be in her place. That’s why I kept going really. They said anyone could do it, and at any time it could happen — you could be chosen — it was just luck, pure blind chance. And I knew that was true, I knew the same thing had happened to her, she’d been just like me and look at her now. At that moment I felt a sureness, a faith that things would get better, I knew in my heart I was destined for the next level of the game, and sooner rather than later I would no longer be referred to as just another chess groupie!