Exercises
“What Happened in Dr Pepper’s Office.”
I’m not quite sure really officer. Dr Pepper is well respected among his peers, and he comes highly recommended. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to climb out on the ledge like that.
I’m not surprised. Did he say anything before climbing out onto the ledge?
Well, I must admit I did notice he was looking at me funny. We were talking about my – problem (I’d rather not go into it if you don’t mind) when he got up from his chair without warning, moved around his desk to stand in front of me, stood there for a moment, then moved briskly and purposefully to the window.
And what happened then? Did you try to stop him?
Well frankly it all happened so fast I didn’t know what to think. One minute we’re talking calmly, the next he’s standing on the window ledge.
How long did he stand there before he jumped?
Only a minute or so.
Did he try to communicate with you at all in that time.
Why no. He was looking down, mainly. I really don’t know what else I can tell you officer. The whole affair is a complete mystery to me.
Well we’ll contact you if there’s anything further. Thankyou Mrs Pepper.
by Peter Gifford
“What happened in Dr Pepper’s office?
“The same thing. It was unbelievable.”
“But surely they were expecting it by then.”
“Well, just because you’re expecting something it doesn’t mean you can prevent it happening.”
“Yes, but you could have warned him…”
“We did, but it made no difference. I’m warning YOU now. Are you going to listen to me?”
“Here? It couldn’t happen here.”
“It can and it will. Do it now Ted.”
“What, now? That, uh, no, Pepper is an idiot, it’s not going to happen here.”
“It is! For god’s sake, jesus, I went through this with Pepper, I thought you’d listen.”
“I am listening…”
“Do you believe what happened to Pepper?”
“Yes, well I’m sure I do, but what you’re asking is impossible.”
“Ted…”
“No, no, look I understand, but this office is protected. It just isn’t… What the..?”
“Quick, now Ted. Do it now!”
“Oh fuck, oh god, oh
by Pil Lee
“So. What you’re saying then, is that the aliens turned the camera off, and then abducted you?”
?“Yes, exactly. I set the video recorder before I went to bed, but sometime in the night they came in through the window and switched it off.”
“Hmm. I see. And last week you got up to get a glass of milk and they abducted you from the kitchen?”
“Uh huh.”
“And the metal implant you sent me got lost in the mail, it would appear. Well, we don’t have a lot to go on then.”
“I got a picture of one of them.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Looking in the car window.”
“Can I see it?”
“It didn’t turn out very well.”
“It looks like a blurry picture of a cat.”
“It was a very cat-like alien…”
by Peter Miller
“Magic Glasses”
Greg found some magic glasses. There was a wine glass, that was always full to the brim no matter how much wine you drank from it. And there was a beer glass, which was always full to the brim of – well, you get the picture. Since Greg was a recovering alcoholic undergoing supervised reconciliation with his wife and kids, this wasn’t the luckiest of discoveries. But what was Greg doing going through the garbage at the back of the magick shop anyway?
Clutching his magic glasses and running with no concern for spillage, Greg went to see his case worker. Look Mr Beeny! hye said. Look what I found! No matter how much you drink from these magic glasses – Greg paused to take a healthy swig from both the wine and the beer glass – they’re always full to the brim! His case worker, Mr Beeny, didn’t look impressed. From his point of view the scene was thus – a recovering alcoholic swigging lustily from a wine glass and a beer glass, both full to the brim. Mr Beeny made a note on his clipboard and asked Greg to come back tomorrow.
by Peter Gifford
Greg found some magic glasses. He set them down carefully on the sink and filled them with champagne. They immediately rose off the sink and he just managed to grab hold of the stems before they soared up into the air.
They lifted him effortlessly off his feet and rammed him into the kitchen ceiling. Greg cursed his stupidity. Of course he should have done this outside! He couldn’t let go without risking a broken ankle, so he braced his wrists and tried to pull the glasses along the ceiling towards the open back door.
Bit by bit the glasses slid across, until they were just inside the door, when Greg was suddenly struck with fear. What would happen when they left the house? Would he be able to fly wherever he chose? He didn’t seem to have much choice in the kitchen. Maybe they would simply soar up into the sky, eventually entering the freezing and airless trophosphere! Maybe he should just accept a broken ankle and release them now. But just as he was bracing himself to let go, he felt the glasses give a tiny lurch and they were out! Outside under a blue sky and starting to soar…
by Pil Lee
Greg found some magic glasses. Greg found lots of useful things at the tip, but these surely took the cake. He didn’t realise they were magic at first. He sat them on the bookshelf next to the crystal rabbit and the plastic Astro Boy and nearly forgot about them until Noddy came in.
“Hey, some beer. Great.”
Greg looked at the two schooners. They were filled to the top with foaming lager.
“Beauty,” said Noddy, grabbing one and knocking it back.
He put it back down and right before their eyes it filled up again. By itself. Greg picked up the other glass and looked at it curiously.
By the end of the night, Greg and Noddy came to regret that those glasses were quite so magical…