Pillow Talk

by Pil Lee

“It’s very nice of you to join us,” she said.

“I didn’t have much choice,” Toby replied.

She paused and said slowly, “You do have a choice you know. That’s what we’re here for. To look at all our choices.”

“Ours as well,” said her husband.

“That’s right,” she said. “Keith and I have talked about what we’d like to do, but we still don’t know what’s going to happen. If you agree to help us, we’ll be very happy, and you’ll be well looked after. But if you choose not to help us, which you’re quite at liberty to do, then we’ll have to make choices about what to do next.”

“Don’t even waste your breath pretending we all have a choice,” Toby said bitterly. “You’re forcing me to help you, so that you won’t dob me in. I have zero choice.”

“You could decide you’d rather bluff it out at work,” she began.

“Oh for gods sake, just shut up both of you,” said Keith. “We all know he’s going to do it, or why did he bloody turn up? It’s 1:00am for Christ’s sake. Just get in there and get it over and done with. I can’t stand this waiting.”

“Well, excuse me, greybeard,” said Toby. “I hope we’re not putting you out here in the middle of the night. Jesus, no wonder you can’t get it up. All too much bother for you, is it?”

“You fucking little punk,” said Keith. “You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think it’s all pretty clear, grandad,” said Toby.

“Please, please, come on —”

“Shut up Claire,” said Keith. “I’ll deal with this.”

“Oh right, you can do something after all, can you?” said Toby.

“Listen, you little shit, the idea of having to be involved with you, of just having you in my house, makes my skin crawl. I could throw up right now. That’s how little choice I have. But you have none either. Just get in there and do what you’re told and we’ll all be able to enjoy never seeing each other again just that much sooner.”

Toby whistled. “Well well, so you have no other choice except me, hey? Little lady made out you had lots of options, but if I came along to the party we could all benefit. Maybe I could benefit a little bit more than I expected.”

Everyone was silent for a moment. “You scum,” breathed Keith.

“That’s it,” said Toby. “I’m outta here. I can’t believe I came along.”

“Wait,” said Claire. “Wait.”

“Well,” said Toby, his hand on the doorknob.

“If you leave, you know we’ll tell everyone what you’ve done.”

“I’ll take my chances,” he said, slamming out the door.

Claire started to cry. “Oh my god, Keith, I can’t believe you stuffed that up so absolutely. He was going to do it!”

“He was just looking for a reason to leave,” said Keith, but Claire had already rushed out.

“Wait, wait Toby, hold the lift,” she cried.

“What now?” he said, his arm through the wrought-iron door.

“Let me in,” she said.

“I’m not going back in there,” he said.

“Please, let me talk to you,” she said.

“I’m going down,” he said.

“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ll come down with you.”

“Alright.” The doors closed.

“Keith is —” She stopped. Started again. “Keith wasn’t as polite as he could have been,” she said, “but let’s just forget that and be realistic.” She swallowed and took a deep breath. “You have something we want. We know something you want to keep a secret. Just come back upstairs, and in half an hour we’ll all have what we want. Painlessly, easily.”

He said nothing.

“So easy. Just half an hour, then walk away. You’ll never hear from us again. Your problems will just vanish, like magic.” She paused. “How many people can say that?” she added.

“Just vanish,” he said. “All my problems. How can you or your stuffed jackass of a husband even guess about my problems?”

“Well, we know —” she started.

“You know nothing,” he said. “You know about one mistake. You’ve got no idea what it’s like to have a real life, stuck in this mansion condo with the fancy slick-shit elevator out of Sherlock-fucking-Holmes, drinking absinthe and eating oysters and ordering anything you want just by lifting the phone.”

“That’s not true —” she began.

“Tell me about it,” he said heatedly. “Tell me about all your problems, Claire.”

“Well if I had no problems, what would I be doing here with you,” she snapped. “Do you think I like this?”

“Well what do you want me to do about it?”

“You know what I want,” she shrieked at him in frustration, her face inches from his.

“You want something from me, hey lady! Well how about this,” he yelled, turning her and pushing her face against the wall.

“What are you doing,” gasped Claire, pushing at his hands. “No, stop, stop, no, stop,” she screamed at him, as he ripped at her clothes. “God, oh my god, stop, Keith, Keith, Keith,” her screams echoed up the stairwell.

“Is this what you wanted,” he grunted as he ground against her. “Is this worth the favour, Claire. Hey Claire?” he yelled in her ear. “Hey Keith,” he shouted at the roof. “I’m making my choice Keith, just like you wanted.”

“Keith!” they screamed together. And again, “Keith!”

Then, silence. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” gasped Toby as he collapsed to the floor. “That was an all-time good fuck.”

Time passed. The lift was still.

“Rape,” said Claire, huddled and unmoving. “An all-time good rape.”

Toby lay flat beside her. “An all-time good bargain, Claire,” he said. “Isn’t that what you said. Painless and easy. Man oh man, you got that right, babe.”

She got slowly to her feet and pushed the button for her floor.

“Hey, hang on now, we’re all done, you can let me off right here on the ground.”

“We’re not all done,” she said.

“What, you want to go again?” he laughed. “Hey, sweetheart, we don’t need to go back to old Keithy, just roll on over right here. This one’ll be even better.”

“If you touch me again I’ll kill you,“ she said.

“Big words, babe, big words,” he said. She said nothing.

The lift stopped. “Wait, don’t open the door,” he said. He got to his feet. “What the hell’s going on here? Haven’t we done what we were going ?to”

“No,” said Claire.

“What the hell are you talking about,” he said. “What the fuck do you want me to do.”

Claire opened the door.

“Sweet Jesus,” said Toby, not moving. “It’s not your old man, ’is it? Dont tell me you want me to fucking fuck Keith? Jesus H Christ, there is no way. NO way.”

“No fucking Keith,” said Claire, stumbling over the words. “There’s no fucking needed at all,” she added bitterly.

“Well we’re a bit late there, aren’t we?” laughed Toby. Claire was silent, and he paled. “Jesus, Keith is going to kill me. He’s going to call the police and then fucking kill me.”

“No one’s going to call the police,” said Claire. She took a deep breath. “If you don’t tell I won’t.”

“Oh yeah, that I believe.”

She swallowed. “Just do what we want, and I won’t say a word. Not to Keith, not to anyone. About anything.” She forced out a smile. “The original deal is still on. You do what we want, we’ll keep your secrets. All of them.”

“Well I’ll be,” said Toby looking at her as they stepped out into the hall together. “What is it that’s worth so much to you? Just what exactly do you want me to do?”

“Just follow me,” said Claire.

Keith let them back in.

“Well, Keith,” said Toby nervously, “we’ve had a little talk.”

“Yes we have,” said Claire smoothly. “Toby has agreed to help us, in return for our silence.”

“Good,” said Keith shortly. “Let’s go.” He turned towards the bedroom.

”This way,“ said Claire.

Toby followed them. “Now that I’ve made my choice, just what do you want me to do?”

They sat on the bed and looked up at him together. “Kill us.”