’Twas Was The Night Before Christmas

by Peter Miller

’Twas the night before Christmas and quiet in the house
And the hour was late as I set down my mouse
In the damnable heat there was no-one about
And only the cockroaches dared venture out

The noisy cicadas were still going strong
As I stood to stretch legs cramped from sitting too long
And the pins and the needles had just left my feet
When a sudden commotion arose from the street

“Some drunk’s come a cropper,” I wearily thought
And I guessed I should check as a good neighbour ought
I opened the door and I switched on the light
But the street was quite empty, no soul was in sight

So I went back inside with my thoughts set on bed
When again came a racket, this time overhead
“What the devil?” I said as I glanced at the roof
Was that the sound of a bell, then a hoof?

“Oh sure, reindeer!” I laughed to have made such a leap,
My poor brain was obviously needing some sleep!
More likely some burglar out trying his luck;
Some lowlife attempting to make a fast buck

I was sure that the children would come to no harm
Since no-one had tripped the intruder alarm
But a noise in the living room caused me to start
And I crept down the hall with a quick-beating heart

The lights from the Christmas tree dappled the floor
As I cautiously peeped ’round the side of the door
But instead of a thief or a thug with a knife
There stood old St Nick on the hearth, large as life!

So startled was I, so great my surprise
That I froze for a while disbelieving my eyes
Astonished a fireplace could bring forth such mass
Especially ours, since our heating is gas ...

And yet here he was — just like in the rhyme
And to think I had thought him a myth all this time!
Yes there was that nose, and that chubby round belly
That really did shake like a bowlful of jelly

I watched as he unpacked the presents with glee
And stacked them in piles there under the tree —
Thin ones and tall ones and bright ones with bows
Some rattling quite oddly, some smelling of rose

The merry old fellow was chuckling with joy
As he set out each gift and arranged every toy
Such attention to detail! Such delight in each action!
Here was a chap with real job satisfaction

He was done in a trice though I didn’t see how
But nevertheless as he mopped at his brow
The hot night demanded some cool Christmas cheer
So I went to the cooler and fished out some beer

I had so many questions I wanted to ask:
How did he manage his gigantic task?
How did he reach every house in one night?
How did he wrangle eight reindeer in flight?

And what about all of those presents I saw?
And they were just ours there were surely lots more!
How did he fit them all onto his sleigh?
And what do you feed flying deer anyway?

So we sat in the living room, Santa and I
And with mirth in his voice and a gleam in his eye
He opened his ale and he started to pour
And he spoke of those things and quite a few more

We chatted and laughed as the night slipped away
And I must have dozed off, I am sorry to say
For I woke with a jump to find Saint Nick was gone
And just me in my chair, in the dark, all alone.

What a strange fancy, I thought to myself
To dream about Santa, that jolly old elf
To think that I really believed he was here!
I guess that’ll teach me to drink too much beer

Sleep long overdue, I yawned, stretched my back
But just as I started to shut down my Mac
I noticed some email had newly popped in
And as I read, goosebumps crawled over my skin

The message was one that I’ll not soon forget

To: peter From: santa@northpole.net
>Back at home safely, a very smooth flight,
>Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!