Exercises

‘Jerusalem Syndrome’

“Jesus! Jeeeezus!”

Still a dangerous thing to say in Jerusalem, even in the year 2020. Several people turned narrowed eyes upon Joseph as they passed. He continued to scrabble in the dirt like a neurotic mole, ignoring the pain as his fingernails split and the hard earth fought back.

“It’s here, I know I left it here!”

People were beginning to stop and stare. Identical black gowns rustled together like conspirators. There were two clear beeps as someone called the religious police.

by Peter Gifford

“OK, OK, inside people, move to the back, please keep your feet on the floor of the bus, thanks Abbas can you take the clipboard too, OK, has everyone got their thorns, hey you in Row 5, have you got your thorns, we won?t be back for 43 days, Jesus it’s like talking to a rock, yes Sir we’ll be on our way shortly, oh sorry, where did you leave them? well the hotel will forward them on, please buddy back inside, well it’s too late for second thoughts, hey who’s that woman in Row 6, sorry Mister you’ll have to carry your own towel, OK everyone, strap in, we?re off!”

by Pil Lee

“Well Your Holiness, it seems they shot him.”

“Shot him?”

“Yes. It was… um… unfortunate. They thought he had a bomb.”

“A bomb? He was wearing a loincloth.”

“I know, I know.”

“And carrying a wooden cross.”

“I know, I know. I know. It’s just that everyone is really jumpy right now. And you know, these guys are just kids.”

“Kids with guns, I think you mean.”

“I know. They thought he was just some nut with Jerusalem Syndrome.”

“So what have you done with the body?”

“It’s down in the crypt.”

“And?”

“Yes, Your Holiness, we think it’s Him.”

“I see. You know that this can’t get out…”

“Yes, I understand.”

“It would be the end of the Church. It would be the end of everything.”

Pope Bartholemew turned and walked down the empty corridor, crossing himself.

by Peter Miller